the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
