it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
