i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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