He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
