Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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