He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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