I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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