dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
