If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
