ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize