I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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