Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
