im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
FUCK WHALES
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