If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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