I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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