shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
