im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
