Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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