Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
