hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
