I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
