Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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