I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
