Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
