If i come over, it means nothing
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
