Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
