I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
