I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
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So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My vagina is officially offended.
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I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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