The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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