My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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