Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
