you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
