I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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