I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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