Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
