This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
