What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
