I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
