dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
