Kiss
Puke
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
