Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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