it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
