If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
