i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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