don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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