Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
