May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
