this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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