well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
