I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
