I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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