Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
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I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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