I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
false alarm, still single
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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