Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
