i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
