the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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