i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
