evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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