im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
