Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
