Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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